How to Get Through Your First Holiday After Your Divorce?
I heard from a client recently who said she didn’t feel like celebrating the holidays or decorating or doing anything this holiday season because it all reminded her of the way it was before. Sometimes the first holiday after a divorce can be worse than the divorce itself.
I get that it’s hard and I think the simplest things such as sending out holiday cards can bring up all kinds of emotions as you flip through the years past and look at times when the family was together you’re reminded of what woulda, coulda, shoulda been. I remember that first holiday after my own divorce and sending out cards was bad. But you know what was worse? Receiving cards? All of those perfect families in their matching buffalo plaid shirts. It’s like a gut punch, right?
How to Survive the Holidays After Divorce
So, now that we got that out of the way, the question is what are you going to do with those feelings. Are you going to let the heaviness of it all weigh you down and drive how you experience this year?
Or are you going to change the script?
While things might look different this year and while your family might look different and while even your Christmas card might look different, what’s not different is your children’s love of the holiday or excitement surrounding it so how about instead of trying to re-create the same exact thing that was before, what if you reset what this time of year means to you?
Create New Traditions for the Holidays After Divorce
I mean what if you create a new traditions? What if you decorated in a different way? And I get it, it’s not as simple as changing the color lights on the tree but it’s a start and maybe if you can get excited about creating the holiday experience that you want, you’re starting a new tradition or creating a new memory then maybe you start to enjoy new things and it gets a little less hard.
Then next year, maybe you’re not looking back to what was but rather you’re looking forward to the new holiday that you started to create for yourself and your children. Remember, there isn’t a way to quick fix your feelings after you’ve gone through a divorce. Time and patience and grace is the only way out so one day, it’s a little less hard. And eventually the hard disappears or is so small, that you now have room for the new and the exciting, maybe happiness and even joy. But, you have to keep moving forward. Because, if you continuously look back, you will walk into a wall.
So what can you do today to move towards your own version of Happy Even After?