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E132: Why Sex Matters and How to Reignite the Passion with Jen Melville

By May 17, 2023No Comments

Looking to reignite the passion in your relationship? Sex and relationship coach Jen Melville shares valuable insights on how to overcome common challenges couples face and factors that impact physical intimacy. Jen helps couples transform from tired, detached, and overwhelmed, to connected, supportive, and passionate sexual partners. She works mostly with couples, and some women by themselves, whether they’re single or in a relationship, and they talk about how to manage motherhood, life, and all of the challenges that come with being a romantic partner.

Here are some power takeaways from today’s conversation:

  • The common challenges couples face
  • How to reignite your passion
  • The two types of sex drives
  • Touch-resistant vs. affection resistant
  • Scheduling time for sex
  • Should every woman own a vibrator?

Episode Highlights:

[06:05] Common Challenges Couples Face

Many couples face challenges with their sex drive, especially those who have young children or busy schedules. Fatigue, feeling overwhelmed, and overstimulation can leave partners disconnected and unsure of how to proceed. It’s common for people to turn to medication when they experience a low sex drive, but it’s often a symptom of underlying issues such as poor communication, stress, or ongoing conflict.

Jen uses the terms sex and intimacy interchangeably because intimacy encompasses a wider range of activities beyond intercourse. Lack of sex or intimacy can impact other areas of the relationship and may be a symptom of an underlying challenge. Therefore, it’s crucial to identify and address the underlying issue to restore physical intimacy in the relationship.

When you’re experiencing poor communication, high-stress levels, or frequent conflicts, it’s common to lose interest in having sex or being intimate with your partner. This can be a symptom of underlying issues and challenges beyond just a lack of physical attraction. Identifying and addressing the root cause is key to restoring physical intimacy in the relationship.

[12:38] How to Reignite Your Passion

If you’re looking to reignite the passion in your relationship, the first step is to figure out where the passion went in the first place. It’s important to remember that a lack of passion, sex, or intimacy is often a symptom of underlying issues that need to be addressed. Start by focusing on communication and learning how to effectively talk to your partner about your thoughts, feelings, and desires. Daily exercises, like sharing what’s going on in your life, can help build the foundation of open communication. Additionally, understanding your own sex drive can be helpful. While everyone’s sex drive can vary, identifying your normal sex drive versus your vacation sex drive can help you better understand your own needs and desires. By focusing on communication and understanding your own needs, you can take steps to reignite the passion in their relationship.

[27:56] Should Every Woman Own a Vibrator?

Vibrators can serve as a helpful tool for self-arousal or partnered play. According to research, between 85 to 89% of women need clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm, so a vibrator can be useful in providing this stimulation. However, it’s important to remember that vibrators are just one option. Using hands, lotion, ticklers, or other means can also provide pleasure during solo or partnered play. Owning a vibrator is a personal choice and one shouldn’t feel abnormal if they choose not to own one. That being said, vibrators can be a great addition to a sex toy collection for those who desire more tools to achieve pleasure or orgasm. Ultimately, the decision to purchase a vibrator is up to the individual, as it isn’t necessary for everyone to own one to experience sexual satisfaction.

Resources Mentioned:

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