Dating is daunting, much less reentering the dating world in midlife. In today’s conversation, we’re joined by Jennifer Hurvitz, a relationship expert, dating coach, author, and podcast host. Known for her no-nonsense approach to all things relationships, Jennnifer is proud to say she has made quite the career out of disastrous circumstances, her own divorce included. With two boys now off to college, she’s beginning her next phase in life–empty nesting. Her latest book is called Midlife Priceless!: A Dating Coach’s Guide to *Finally* Doing Relationships Right.
Here are some power takeaways from today’s conversation:
- Why midlife dating is hard
- When is the right time to start dating? – Start with the why
- How to make yourself date-ready
- How to find a quality match
- Recommended dating apps
- Why you shouldn’t wait long before seeing the person
- The theory of dating for now
[05:06] Midlife Dating is Hard
In midlife, a lot of us are coming out of either a breakup of a long-term relationship or a divorce or were widowed. Plus, a lot of us come with baggage so it makes dating so hard and much different than when you’re in your 20s or 30s.
[06:41] When is the Right Time to Start Dating?
It’s not so much about knowing when you want to start dating again, but about your why. Why do you want to start dating? Maybe you want a casual relationship or you’re looking for friends with benefits. Maybe you’re in it for the long term, or you’re looking for a long-distance relationship. Know your why and then start getting out there.
[08:07] How to Be Date-Ready
You have to know who you are to be able to show up on that date and feel good about yourself. If you’re comfortable with who you are, and you feel like you’re ready to get out there and put yourself out there then go ahead. But if you want to lose weight first, then do it for yourself, not for anyone else, because there’s a guy out there that likes those 10 pounds on you.
[09:23] How to Find a Quality Match
Dating takes practice. You have to be intentional about your dating. Don’t expect much on your first date. Make a list of every single thing you’re looking for and break it down to the five most important ones. Jennifer recommends dating apps like OkCupid or Bumble. But it’s not really about the app you use, but how you use it. Invest in the app so you can get value from it. Then get in person as early as possible because everything is different in person. The longer you wait, the easier it is for things to get screwed up.
[21:14] The Theory of Dating for Now
Meet as many people as you want. Once you connect and you both decide you’re going to go on a second date, put all your eggs in the basket. Invest in that one person for now. If you’re not investing in one person and you’re constantly looking for the next person that walks in the door, you’re never going to give that person a chance.
Midlife Priceless!: A Dating Coach’s Guide to *Finally* Doing Relationships Right
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